Glasgow Anxiety Therapy

Resilience is developed by searching for helpful ways of responding to life's challenges. Change will be imposed on you whether you like it or not, but you retain the choice of how you respond.

You can try this out for yourself. For example, practice more relaxing ways of responding to finding yourself in a long queue. You have a choice. Rage and resentment, or an opportunity to relax, distract yourself, think through some problem so that you don't focus on the way your needs seem to have been shelved for the moment.

With this goal of coping better with potential frustration in mind,  I have recently been taking the bus down to London rather than the train. Resilience needs practice as much as any other skill. When I drove down to London the other day, something I don't look forward to, I was a bit gloomy about what an ordeal such a long drive would be and how tired and stressed I would feel. But I found the journey surprisingly pleasant and relaxing. The bus training seems to have done the trick! Bonus.

Here are some tips for building resilience.

• Take care of yourself. Pay attention to your own needs and feelings, don't just fall in with what people expect of you. Engage in activities that you find deeply absorbing. Add variety into your life. 
• Step by step towards your goal. Develop some realistic goals for yourself. Do something to move you closer to your goal, even if it is only small. Instead of focusing on the jobs that seem overwhelming and impossible, ask yourself, “What’s one thing I know I can accomplish today that helps me move in the direction I want to go?” You may be going slowly, but you are pointing in the right direction.
• Change is inevitable. Sometimes long-cherished goals  become unattainable, our circumstances change, we get older, people move away. So these goals are no longer relevant. Letting them go is all we can do. Accepting circumstances that cannot be changed can help you focus on circumstances that you can alter. Where you can take action, plan it, take it. Where there is no effective action to take, then we have to accept it.
• Build a network of connections. Good relationships with family members and others are important. Rows in the family are inevitable, but with a bit of effort, we can choose not to fan the flames to allow us focus on our goals. Accepting help and support from those who care about you and are interested in you strengthens optimism and confidence. And doing the same for others builds a positive view of yourself. Broaden out your network so that you are not depending on just a tiny group.
• See problems as challenges to resolve. Bad things do happen, even to nice people. You can’t change this but you can change how you interpret and respond to these events. Notice the detail of how you feel better when you deal with difficult situations. All this will train your mind and body so it gets easier and easier to deal with situations that require determination, persistence etc.
• Give up the urge to awfulise. Even when facing very painful events, try to keep a long-term perspective. Avoid blowing the event out of proportion. Give up predicting only a bad future when then are more likely and more pleasant  outcomes. A bit less "It will be awful and I will make a complete idiot of myself" and a bit more "It may be a bit of an ordeal, but it gives me the chance to.....".

All of these things gradually change your attitudes from verging on the rigid towards more flexible, so that you can adapt as life moves on. Going with the flow. Not drowning. Bending in the wind. Not breaking down.

Resilience is our psychological immune system. It is developed from dealing with life's difficulties and it is weakened by overprotection. It allows you to adapt to changing conditions in your life, without falling apart. It is what we need to ensure that we meet our goals - persisting in the face of frustration. Keeping on keeping on and not giving up.

The US Army teaches resilience in their Battlemind Training. The underlying message if this philosophy is that soldiers can be taught to be tough, The US Army wants both physical and mental fitness  Battlemind Training has been shown to help soldiers deal with trauma and come out from war with more self confidence, greater leadership skills, improved emotional strength and a greater appreciation of life.

But it began as a programme for young children, aimed at reducing the level of depression in middle school. Resilience reduces the risk of depression. So what exactly is it?

The American Psychological Association thinks it involves these factors.

• The capacity to make realistic plans and take steps to carry them out
• Optimism
• A positive view of yourself
• Confidence in your skills, strengths and abilities
• The ability to manage strong feelings, impulses and emotions without falling apart

I shall write more about resilience shortly. The good thing is that it can be learned.